Moulding, mannerism and fitting in.

Who are we when no one is watching?

Who are we when we are just with ourselves and no one else is around?

And why can't we stay that version of ourselves when others come into the picture?

Why do we keep moulding ourselves, softening our edges, shrinking our truth, just to keep the peace and make sure everyone else feels okay? Even when we don't?

If we are having a low or flat day, why is it considered good manners to put on a face, suck it up and perform okayness so that other people don't have to sit with our discomfort? And if we don't do that, if we dare to just be honest about how we actually feel, we end up drowning in guilt for not having done enough for others.

It's completely corrupt really, isn't it?

And then there is the constant unspoken pressure to exist inside this performative state.

Making an effort to ensure everyone is having a good time. Being happy and present. Giving a hand and helping out. Talking and not being too withdrawn. Being engaged enough. Keeping things clean and tidy.

We live in a performative world, not a real world. Because the real human experience does not feel like a peak state all the time. It swings. It ebbs. It has flat days and heavy days and days where you have absolutely nothing to give and that is not a failure. That is being human.

For those of us with an undefined identity centre, undefined sacral center, and undefined emotional centre in our Human Design, this is not just a social pressure. It is something we feel in our bodies. We are literally designed to take in the energy and emotions of the people around us, to absorb and amplify what is in the room. Which means when we are around others we can lose ourselves completely without even realising it. We mould. We adapt. We become whatever the environment seems to need.

And then we wonder why we feel so exhausted and so far from ourselves.

The version of you that exists when no one is watching, that quiet, unperformed, unfiltered version, that is not the lesser version. That is the realest version. The one worth protecting.

You do not owe anyone a performance. You owe yourself the truth of who you actually are 🫶🏼✨

Big Love,
Nic xx